How Do I Stand Up for Myself?
Courage & Boundaries
Episode 8: How Do I Stand Up for Myself?
Courage & Boundaries • Age 12-13
1
Daughter
Dad, can I ask you something?
Dad
Always.
Daughter
How do you stand up for yourself without being mean?
Dad
That's a great question. What's going on?
Daughter
There's this guy in my class who keeps copying my homework. And when I say no, he calls me selfish.
Scene: Dinner table, daughter pushing food around her plate.
2
Dad
When I was thirteen, there was this kid named Derek who'd always ask me to do stuff I didn't want to do.
Daughter
Like what?
Dad
Skip class, steal candy from the store, lie to teachers. Stupid stuff.
Daughter
Did you do it?
Dad
At first, yeah. I was scared he wouldn't like me.
Scene: Flashback: Young Dad looking uncomfortable as Derek pressures him.
3
Dad
Then one day, we got caught. I got suspended for three days.
Daughter
You got suspended?!
Dad
Yep. And you know what Derek said when the principal asked whose idea it was?
Daughter
What?
Dad
He said it was mine. Threw me right under the bus.
Scene: Young Dad in principal's office, looking devastated.
4
Dad
Grandpa picked me up from school. He didn't yell. He just asked me one question.
Grandpa
Did you want to do it?
Young Dad
No.
Grandpa
Then why did you?
Young Dad
I don't know... I didn't want Derek to think I was lame.
Scene: In the car, Grandpa driving, young Dad in passenger seat.
5
Grandpa
Let me tell you something about people who don't respect your 'no.'
Young Dad
What?
Grandpa
They're not your friends. Friends respect boundaries.
Young Dad
But what if everyone thinks I'm boring?
Grandpa
Better to be boring than to be someone you're not. Besides, the right people will like you for you.
Scene: Grandpa looking at young Dad with wisdom.
6
Daughter
So what did you do about Derek?
Dad
I stopped hanging out with him. It was hard at first.
Daughter
Did he get mad?
Dad
Oh yeah. He told everyone I was a snitch and a loser.
Daughter
That's awful!
Scene: Back to present, daughter listening intently.
7
Dad
But you know what? The people who mattered didn't believe him.
Daughter
Really?
Dad
Your Aunt Sarah? She came up to me and said, 'I always thought Derek was a jerk. Want to sit with us at lunch?'
Daughter
Aunt Sarah saved you!
Dad
She did. And I learned something important.
Scene: Dad showing old yearbook photo of him with Sarah and other friends.
8
Dad
Standing up for yourself isn't mean. It's necessary.
Daughter
But what do I say to this guy?
Dad
You say, 'I worked hard on this, and I'm not comfortable sharing it. You're welcome to ask the teacher for help.'
Daughter
What if he gets mad?
Dad
Then he gets mad. His feelings aren't your responsibility.
Scene: Dad looking at daughter seriously.
9
Daughter
I'm scared people will think I'm mean.
Dad
Here's the thing about boundaries: people who respect you will respect them. People who don't... well, they're showing you who they are.
Daughter
Believe them?
Dad
Exactly. Maya Angelou said that. Smart woman.
Scene: Dad holding daughter's hands across the table.
He squeezes her hands, wishing he could fight all her battles. But he knows she needs to learn this.
10
Daughter
Okay. I'm going to tell him no tomorrow.
Dad
I'm proud of you.
Daughter
What if it goes badly?
Dad
Then you come home and tell me about it. And we'll figure it out together.
Daughter
Promise?
Dad
Always.
Scene: Daughter looking more confident now.
11
Daughter
Dad? Thanks for telling me about Derek.
Dad
Thanks for asking. You know, you're braver than I was at your age.
Daughter
Really?
Dad
Really. You're asking the hard questions. I just went along with things.
Daughter
Well, I have a pretty good teacher.
Scene: They're doing dishes together, comfortable silence.
12
Dad
One more thing about standing up for yourself.
Daughter
What's that?
Dad
It gets easier with practice. The first time is always the hardest.
Daughter
Like riding a bike?
Dad
Exactly like riding a bike. Remember when you thought you'd never get it?
Daughter
And then I did!
Scene: They smile at each other, dishes done.
He watches her smile and thinks about how fast she's growing up. Too fast.